Let me ask you a question, have you ever been fucked in the mouth with a straight razor?

A few years ago my friends and I stumbled upon a movie trailer for a movie we assumed didn’t actually exist. It was an awesome trailer and we showed it to just about everyone we met, we would quote lines from it at every possible occasion and generally pine for the existence of this film. It was called Canzo Empyrean. We really had no idea what we were getting into.

My friend somehow figured out how to contact the director a mister Justin Fornal (AKA Baron Ambrosia for the Underbelly viewers). This guy does guerrilla film making at it’s finest. If I am correct the whole of the movie was shot illegally in New York’s underground and a with a pretty impressive scene on the Brooklyn Bridge (that I believe wasn’t too legal) the movie was truly a master work of black market cinema.

Mr. Fornal gave us specific instructions to perform our own “canzo”. A canzo is a rite of passage; everyone who wants to see the film must perform their own. I believe Mr. Fornal hinted his Canzo was the Brooklyn Bridge shoot in this interview . For our canzo Mr. Fornal gave us the task of tagging what looked to be a bat onto twenty five different public areas. The only rules were no houses of worship will be tagged and when you get the movie only people who experienced the canzo can see it.

We set out down the rabbit hole, tagging everything we could possibly think of in our small little Texas town. We would take spray paint with us everywhere. We tagged school buses, signs, walls, even trains all in the name of seeing something that, at one point, we didn’t believe existed and truly intrigued the hell out of us. It was like we were kids again (having lookouts, dodging cops, running from store owners) except the stakes were slightly higher this time. It was exhilarating. We ended up tagging something like fifty places because we liked the adventure so much.

We showed Mr. Fornal our work and he said the movie would be sent within days. So we waited patiently until the day finally arrived. My friend called me and I went over to his house. In his hands he had a wooden box, inside of which, cradled in velvet, a DVD with the long awaited movie. We turned out every light (and even put sheets on the window to block out ambient sunlight) and prepared to have the gates of hell unleashed on our minds

And hell and heaven fell on us.

I don’t remember the running time but it felt like I was being skull fucked for days (in a good way) by the Devil himself. If you have a penchant for the perverse, weird and oftentimes sick, this is the movie for you.

Due to extenuating circumstances my friend and I don’t talk anymore and he has the movie still. I am considering redoing my own Canzo alone. I do have advice for anyone who would like to embark on this journey, always wear running shoes.

Link to crazy Justin Fornal story.

6 Responses to “Let me ask you a question, have you ever been fucked in the mouth with a straight razor?”

  1. GlasgowDestro Says:

    So… How did you contact Mr. Fornal? I want to do my own ‘Canzo’.

    • I would start with facebook. He has one for his tv show Bronx Flavor and one for himself that is Justin Fornal. Those are your best bets. Maybe try and tag everything first then show him your work. Follow the rules and you should be okay.

  2. GlasgowDestro Says:

    Hey Ryan, thanks for the response. I sent a message through the contact page on the Canzo website but now it’s time to make a template. I’ll go for the tag first then show him my work. Was the ‘no houses of worship’ the only rule? Did you do another Canzo afterall?

    • The rules were anyone who wants to see the movie has to tag at least 20 places with the symbol and no houses of worship. He may give you more things to do but that’s all we had to do. I’ve seen people post their taggings in a youtube video before or you could make a facebook for it. That’s how he wanted us to do it. I haven’t done another Canzo yet. I think I may be getting too old and responsible to do stuff like that anymore, but it was a lot of fun when i did it the first time and I’m sure you’ll have fun too.

  3. GlasgowDestro Says:

    About to start my Canzo tonight… Wish me luck! Tried contacting Mr. Fornal but no reply… Really hope this works out!

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